


Jasper Rides Spaceship Earth

by Closeted_Calliope



Category: Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: Also Jasper doesn't understand humans or why she's protecting them, And Peridot and Lapid joined the Crystal Gems for some reason, And everyone's kinda OOC but you know whatevs, Dabbing, Gen, Oh god this is a lot longer than it was supposed to be lol, Oneshot, Steven teaches Jasper about humans with the power of Disney, and they're gonna cause some disasters while they're both there lol, does this count as a crackfic?, i came up with this idea months ago so I might as well execute it, lets pretend Disney exists in the SU universe, redeemed Jasper AU, screw it I'm calling it a crackfic, spaceship earth, takes place shortly after Jasper joins the crystal gems, what even are tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-08-31 07:29:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8569627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Closeted_Calliope/pseuds/Closeted_Calliope
Summary: Jasper had finally joined the Crystal Gems, but she didn't seem to understand why protecting humans and other life on Earth was so important. So Steven decided to show her the best way he could; on the most educational ride at Disney. (Redeemed Jasper AU. Let's just pretend Disney exists in the Steven Universe.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Ok look. I know this plot sounds terrible but I came up with this idea while I was actually on spaceship earth in Epcot in Disney world this summer, and I'll be dammed if I don't share this terrible idea with the rest of the world. This is only really gonna make sense if you've actually been on Spaceship Earth, so sorry if you don't get it. (Oh god I sound like such an jerk.) So sit back and enjoy the show. ^u^

Jasper stared at the little boy standing next to her in confusion. 

"Is there a reason you brought us to this.....large sphere?" She questioned, irritation prominent in her voice. 

Steven looked up at her and grinned. "Yeah! This is the ride that's gonna tell you the most about humans, and you're gonna love it!!!"

The Crystal Gems had come to Disney World, specifically Epcot. Steven had been begging his dad as well as the Gems for weeks (ever since he learned of its existance), until Greg finally caved. After all, he was still rich, so he didn't mind treating his son too much, so long as he didn't blow all his money. They all smushed into the van and drove down.

Steven knew that the Gems weren't particularly.....accustomed.....to human entertainment, but he knew that there was at least one ride they'd each enjoy. And for the first stop on their trip, he wanted to make Jasper feel like she was doing something right with her life. 

A few weeks prior, Jasper had been un-corrupted and joined the Crystal Gems. She wasn't particularly happy about it, though. For starters, it was essentially her only choice; go back to Homeworld and be shattered, or stay and join the enemy. Even though she had discovered that Homeworld had lied to her about everything she ever knew, the decision was still tough. 

Another thing was that she didn't really understand why the Crystal Gems did what they did. She found it pointless that they spent their time protecting lifeforms on Earth, especially humans, when their own Homeworld was struggling as it was.

Garnet, Pearl, Amythest, Lapis and Peridot walked over to the other two, Lapis and Amythest holding Mickey-shaped ice cream bars wrapped in plastic. Lapis and Peridot also wore Mickey ears, though they didnt really fit on Peri's head. Greg, who had splitted from the group of aliens a while ago, sat on a nearby bench and took out a book, not particularly keen on rides. 

"So we're going to be riding in a giant golf ball?" Amythest asked before shoving her ice cream bar, wrapper and all, down her throat. 

"It's not a golf ball, Amythest," Steven explained, gesturing towards the ride, "It's supposed to represent the planet Earth and all the cool things humans come done over the years."

Jasper _tch_ 'd. She muttered, "I'll believe it when I see it...."

\-----------------------------------------------

She had run ahead of the group and tried to cut in line, and when the people in front of her told her not to do that, she had gotten angry. Steven had had to race ahead to prevent Jasper from hurting anyone. 

"Jasper, wait!!!" Steven cried, throwing himself in between Jasper's flying fist and the innocent civilians and raising a shield. As she punched the shield, Steven skidded back a few feet, but kept the bystanders safe. 

Jasper withdrew her fist, confused. "I thought we were going on your silly Earth ride."

Steven hesitated before answering, "Yes....but we need to wait out turn in line."

"Why?"

"Because they got here first, and we need to wait our turn."

"But that's not fair!!!" Jasper yelled, punching the sign that stated the ride rules. 

"Jasper."

She turned around to find Garnet walking over to her, the other Gems following close behind. 

Face stern, Garnet told her, "If you want to remain a part of this team, you need to follow Earth's rules." 

"But they're not fair!!!"

Garnet shrugged. "Welcome to Earth."

Jasper begrudgingly complied, crossing her arms and pouting, much like a small child that stood a little farther up the line. 

The child wailed, "BUT I DON'T **WANNA** GO ON THE RIIIIIDE!!!!"

"Yeah," Jasper huffed under her breath, "you and me both, pebble."

Pearl leaned down to Steven and softly asked, "Steven, you sure this is a good idea?"

Steven sighed. He thought, _I sure hope so..._

\-----------------------------------------------

After nearly half an hour of waiting (The Gems had to keep Jasper from killing anyone), they had finally made it to the front of the line.

Lapis got into the first cart, but when Jasper tried to get in next to her, every other nearby Gem grabbed her arms and pulled her back. 

"No," they all stated in unison.

You didn't need Garnet's future vision to see that those two sitting together would end in disaster. 

Peridot ended up sitting next to Lapis. Behind them, Pearl and Amythest got in. Then Jasper and Steven took a cart, and Garnet took up the rear. 

"Why does the fusion get her own seating arrangement?" Jasper whispered to Steven. 

"Because I do," Garnet replied, despite the question not being directed at her. 

As the carts began to go up a steady incline, they could see periodic flashes of light up ahead. 

"Ooh! Peridot! Lapis! They're going to take your picture!" Steven shouted to his friends up ahead. "Make sure you smile for the camera!!!"

Peridot and Lapis shared a quick look, then proceeded to make the most ridiculous faces they could, made even more ridiculous by their Mickey ears.

They still had about 5 carts before the camera would take their picture, but they didn't care. 

As the carts came closer to the camera, Amythest reached her arm around Pearl's shoulders and tapped the one farthest away from her. Pearl looked around, confused. 

On the little screen in front of them, a map of the country came up and asked them to point out where they were from. Once he had put it in, Steven turned to Japser. "Okay Jasper, you see that screen over there?"

"Yes. Why is it relevant?"

"When we go past it, you need to look at it, and smile."

Jasper narrowed her eyes. "Why? Do they need to scan is? Why do we need to smile?"

Steven thought about how he should world this. Jasper really wasn't accustomed to human things.

"Yeah.......yeah they need to scan you so they know your not evil anymore. You have to smile so they know that."

Jasper seemed skeptical, but quietly mumbled an "Alright," as the camera took Lapis and Peridot's picture. It was a good thing she knew more about human battle tactics than she did modern human technologies.

Pearl noticed Amythest snickering at her.

She squawked, "AMYTHEST!!!!"

As she did that, the camera snapped it's picture. 

The cart holding Jasper and Steven came into view on a small screen. 

"Okay Jasper, smile!"

Jasper and Steven grinned as the camera flashed. The flash seemed brighter than usual. When Steven turned around, he saw that Garnet had unfused to take the picture as Ruby and Sapphire. They looked really cute together, making goofy faces. 

Before he could comment on her decision, a lady with a fancy-sounding accent began speaking.

"Like a grand and miraculous spaceship, our planet has sailed through the universe of time; and for a brief moment we have been among it's passengers. But where are we going? And what kind of future will we discover there? Surprisingly, the answers lie in our past." 

"Rosebud," Jasper whispered, "Who is speaking to us?" 

Steven smiled, both at her question and her nickname for him (She knew he wasn't Rose but still couldn't quite grasp the fact that he was a totally different person, so Rosebud was a nice compromise.)

"It's our tour guide. She's going to be telling us about humans." Connie had told him about this ride before, when she had gone there. 

"Oh. Okay."

The voice continued, "Since the dawn of recorded history, we've been inventing the future one step at a time. So let's travel back in time together. I'll show you how our ancestors created the world we know today, and then it will be your turn to create the world of tomorrow."

The cart slowly rolled into a room with a large screen being projected on. A large wooly mammoth was surrounded by a small band of humans, all holding spears and similar weapons. 

As the voice told them about how the humans learned to work together to survive, Jasper scoffed. "Look at those puny humans, with their primitive weapons. One of them couldn't even take on the wool-beast on their own!"

"I know, Jasper," Steven commented patiently, "that's why they need to work together. They're more likely to defeat the mammoth if they combine their strengths."

"So it's like fusion?"

"Kind of, but they don't become one person."

They soon found themselves in the next room as the narrator said, "It takes 15,000 years to come up with the next bright idea: recording our knowledge on cave walls." An animatronic man moved as though he was writing on a wall as an unseen projecter made drawings of mammoths and people and other things. 

"Pfft, I can't believe it took humans 15,000 years to improve their technology. Gems were able to advance at a much higher speed." 

"Well, Gems live a lot longer than humans do."

"What?"

"Yeah, they only live about a hundred years!"

Jasper's eyes widened in shock. "Only a hundred years?!? That's barely any time at all!!"

Their guide continued as they traveled to the next room, where an Egyptian man was making the movements of crushing reeds into paper, "Now let's move ahead to ancient Egypt, because something is about to happen here that will change the future forever."

"Rosebud, what is the human doing?"

"He's making paper, Jasper."

"What's that?"

Steven thought for a moment. "It's kinda like.....a screen, but whatever you write on it stays there forever?"

"Hmm."

They passed a set of Egyptian animatronics acting out a discussion about economics or something. Suddenly, the robots jerked around a bit before sharply bending their elbows, lifting their other arms, and putting their faces in their antecubital fossas.

"PERIDOT!!" Pearl shrieked as Peridot, Lapis, Amethyst, and even Steven laughed at the sight of the robots dabbing. Of course Peridot would misuse her metal powers this way. 

The cart in front of Peri and Lapis's, a cluster of twelve-year-olds, screamed, "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHH!!!" in their cracking, prepubescent voices. It was truly dank. 

As they left the area, Peridot released the animatronics from her control, and they went back to acting again. 

"Rosebud, I do not understand the joke."

"I'll explain it to you later Jasper."

They rolled into the next room. As the narrator explained how the Phoenicians created the modern alphabet, Jasper looked at the set of humans exchanging scrolls with each other.

 _This ride is pointless,_ Jasper thought as they passed the set. _I'm not learning anything even remotely useful. What even is an 'AYBEESEE?'_

By the time the cart had begun to pass the Greeks learning arithmetic, Steven had discovered that Jasper had completely lost interest in the ride. 

"Jasper?" He tapped her on the shoulder. 

"What do you want, Rosebud?"

"Are you....having fun?"

"Tch," Jasper scoffed, "Of course not."

Steven was heartbroken, but he tried not to show it. "Oh, okay. Is there a reason-"

"But then we hit a road block," the guide interrupts. The cart rolls into an area where everything is covered in fake flames. The room smells like smoke, and it almost felt warmer. "Rome falls, and the great Library of Alexandria in Egypt is burned."

"Wow, you'd like this, Jasper, Y'know, because you don't like hum.....ans....." Steven trailed off. 

He was surprised to see Jasper looking slightly concerned at the sight of the burning library. He could barely hear mutter something along the lines of 'all that information.....lost....how.....unfortunate' as she looked at the fake damage. 

"Much of our learning is destroyed... lost forever... or so we think." This caused Jasper to look on with a smidgen of intrigue.

They rolled into the next room. A huddle of animatronics sat around a small table discussing something. They looked like they were from some other part of the world Steven didn't know about. The guide continued. "It turns out there were copies of some of these books in the libraries of the Middle East, being watched over by Arab and Jewish scholars. Call it, the first back-up system. The books are saved, and with them: our dreams of the future."

Jasper sighed in relief. "I think I'm starting to understand how humans survived so long; you prepare for anything. 

"Not really," Pearl cut in, turning around from her seat."

"How long have you been-"

"Humans cannot prepare for every possible outcome; their brains are too small to consider _every_ eventuality, and their resources were often limited, preventing them from doing something that could've worked better. Humans survived because they could adapt to their situations, and change the world around them, and work together to achieve a common goal. Oh, sorry," she realized she had been eavesdropping on their conversation. "I didn't mean to butt in." She turned back around. 

"Hmm." Jasper hadn't considered that before. Maybe humans weren't so useless....

"In 1450," the guide said as Jasper broke apart from her thoughts, "Gutenberg invents the movable type printing press. Now knowledge can travel as fast as these new books, and travel they do. Books make it easier to invent the future in every field, and the result is an incredible explosion of innovation that we call the Renaissance." 

The next few scenes were filled with artists creating things: a small band of musicians playing their instruments, a man mixing something with a mortar and pestle, another guy painting a bowl of fruits, a third guy sculpting a person out of marble. 

Up ahead, Peridot _pshhh_ ed. "Look at all these ridiculous morps!! Our meep-morp is much better than anything these clods could make, right, Lapis?"

Lapis _hmph_ ed in agreement as they passed another guy, painting angels on the ceiling. 

Jasper was interested in the things the artists were making. She was not impressed, because she was sure she would be able to make what they were making just as well as they did, but she definitely was intrigued; they didn't have this back on Homeworld.

"Books it seems were just the beginning. Now communication technology races head long into the future, and soon people all over the world are sharing life's most important moments faster than ever before."

The carts began to pass through a series of interconnected sets. They first passed by was a large and complicated printing press and a little boy trying to sell newspapers. The scene the switched gears and showed two men, one was a reporter of sorts showing his noted to the other, who was using a telegraph and talking about news or something. Next was a row of phone operators trying to connect phone lines. Then, a movie ticket seller outside of a cinema, where an old black and white movie was playing. After that, a man hosting a radio show talking about "the biggest story of 1928".

Jasper was truly impressed now, not by the technology but by the humans themselves; Gems might be more technologically advanced than humans ever would be, but the fact that they could change their own technology to fit their ever-changing lifestyles was a wonder onto itself. 

"By now, we're all communicating from anywhere on Earth and in 1969 from somewhere else," the guide's voice explained as they passed a family sitting in a living room, all glued to their TV. The little man in the weird suit on the TV said, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind."

"Rosebud, what did the strange man do?"

"He went to the moon! Humans had never been to the moon before about 50 years ago!"

"So space travel is still very new?"

"Yeah!" Steven grinned. Jasper seemed to be kind of interested in human stuff now. 

And interested she was. It was hard to wrap her head around the fact that humans had only discovered space travel 50 YEARS AGO. 

They were practically archaic. 

Their guide continued,"To send a man to the moon, we had to invent a new language, spoken not by man, but by computers, At first very large, very expensive computers, but we see the potential." They passed a room covered in all sorts of complicated gadgets and gizmos, and two scientists as 80s style music played. 

"What if everyone could have one of these amazing machines in their own house? There's just one problem: They're as big as a house. The solution comes in of all places, a garage in California." 

They passed through a set that looked like the back of a house. It was fairly realistic; you could hear crickets and dogs barking in the distance and it felt almost cooler in there. 

"Young people with a passion for shaping the future put the power of the computer in everyone's hands." As they passed through the garage, they saw a young man working at something by the light of a desklamp. "Together we form a super network that goes with billions of interactions, and once again we stand on the brink of a new Renaissance."

They passed through a fairly short tunnel, which had lime green bits of code flying across the ceiling and walls. 

"Rosebud, I-"

Suddenly, their cart began to turn sideways, catching Jasper off guard. As they exited the tunnel, their guide stated, "After 30,000 years of time travel, here we are," a view of Earth from space was shown in a large, open area that felt like a theatre, "a truly global community, poised to shape the future of this, our Spaceship Earth."

Jasper stared at the glory of the blue and green planet in front of her. "Wow..." She muttered.

"Isn't it cool Jasper?" Steven whispered as the cart moved around the area. 

"Yeah, it sure is."

She felt..... _different_ from any other time she'd seen the Earth: during an invasion, on the way to the moon base, when she, Lapis, and Peridot were sent to dispose of the remaining Crystal Gems. 

For the first time, she saw Earth as more than just a planet to be colonized, more than just the breeding grounds for the Cluster, more than just a hunk of rock floating through space. 

She saw it as the home to the most interesting creatures she'd ever seen; they were weak, incredibly weak, and their lives were short and meaningless, but they could change the world around them, they could change _themselves_ , they worked as a team to combine what few strengths they had to make something incredible.

It was.....

Beautiful. 

Jasper would never admit it aloud, but she was beginning to see why Rose Quartz cared so much for the humans.

Just then, Earth swerved out of her sight as the cart turned to go backwards down a hill. 

_Great,_ she thought sarcastically. _Right as I was beginning to enjoy myself._

As they began their descent down the hill, surrounded by vertical rows of lime green string lights, the voice that had been guiding them this whole time said, "For the first time in history, all of us can have a say about the kind of world we want to live in. The choices we have made for the past 30,000 years have been inventing the future one day at a time. And now, it's your turn." 

The screen in front of them lit up surprising Steven and Jasper. They had forgotten about it since the ride had started. The voice explained, "Let's have some fun creating the future, shall we? On your computer screen, answer a few questions for us." The screen displayed a text reading 'Which is most important to you?' and two options branching off. "Then, we'll show you a new world, custom made just for you. Ready?"

"Jasper," Steven asked, "do you want to answer the questions?"

Jasper stammered, "Oh, um, s-sure." She didn't know why he wanted her to answer the questions. Like, he had lived on Earth longer than she had, and he wouldn't live as long as her, it would be more of his own future if anything. But Rosebud seemed pretty dead-set on her answering the questions, so she gently tapped her answers to the questions, nearly cracking the screen with each tap. 

In the other carts, Lapis and Peridot were just randomly mashing the answers because they really didn't care. Pearl was yelling at Amethyst because she was trying to do the same thing while Pearl wanted to actually put effort in their answers. Garnet was just answering the questions silently, because she didn't have anyone to argue with, and when Ruby and Sapphire disagreed on something, they knew how to come to an agreement. 

Once they had their answers filled out, the guide congratulated, "Well done! Now along with your answers let's add in some amazing new technology that we happen to know about."

As the 'future' was being built on a loading screen, Jasper questioned, "Rosebud? Is this **really** going to predict the future?"

Steven shook his head. "No, nothing can _really_ predict the future. Well, unless you're Sapphire." He gestured to Garnet in the cart behind them, who gave them a thumbs up, before continuing, "But I think it's supposed to show you how the future _can_ be, instead of what is definitely going to happen. It's up to you to decide what to do with your own future."

"And now I believe your future is just about ready," the voice announced before Jasper could reply. "Let's take a look, shall we?"

The screen began playing cheerful music, and a masculine voice proclaimed, "Welcome to the Future!" as two figures popped onto the screen with Jasper and Steven's faces photoshopped onto them. 

Jasper gasped. "ROSEBUD LOOK ITS US WE'RE ON THE SCREEN IN THE FUTURE!!" 

"Yeah, we are, Jasper."

Jasper didn't listen to anything the masculine voice had to say about her future because she was too busy having her mind blown. 

When the short video finally ended, and Jasper finally calmed down, their guide concluded, "So here's to the next 30,000 years on Spaceship Earth. While no one knows for sure what we'll see or do. I do know it will be quite an adventure, an adventure that we'll take and make together. See you in the future!" The cart rolled around to the exit platform while a prerecorded voice told them to stay clear of the doors and to watch their step as they disembarked in different human languages. 

Steven had to physically drag Jasper out of the cart (with some help from Garnet) because she refused to leave. Once she had left the cart, however, the first words out of her mouth were, "Rosebud I want to ride again. Can we please go on again?"

Steven grinned, knowing that the ride didn't mold her into the Perfect Crystal Gem That Loves The Earth And Everything On It, but it did give her a new perspective of Earth and she seemed to like the ride a lot. 

"Do you want to go on it right now?"

"Yes."

"Then let's get back in line!" Steven cheered.

As much as the idea of getting back in that long line sickened her, Jasper still grinned at the idea of getting to experience the ride again, and ran out of the exit, Steven close behind her, giggling in glee. 

Pearl looked at Garnet. "Should we go after them or-?"

"They'll be fine," Garnet assured her. "If I had known it would be this easy to get a Gem to appreciate the Earth, we could've brought Peridot and Lapis here to educate them."

"Hey!"

Amethyst laughed at their offended reactions, as did Pearl. Garnet chuckled. 

It had been a good idea to come here. 

**Author's Note:**

> And that's the end of that fic. It was my first SU fic, so sorry if it was OOC. It turned out A LOT longer than it was going to be, so I hope you're happy. Anyway, I hope you all had an overall pleasant experience reading this fic, if you have comments or suggestions, please leave a comment (I need the moot ovation) and I'll see you guys next time!!!
> 
> -CC


End file.
